Why doesn't she love me?

Baron from India asks


"So I don’t know how to put my prob in words….but here’s an attempt. All throughout 11th grade I was never social and kept away from girls, its not that I am a geeky kind of guy. I mean that I haven’t gone out with a girl yet because I don’t want to fall into crushes and all that. I am just another average guy. 

So this started about 6 months ago… near half way through my senior year … there was this girl in my class and we started to chat over the net and then I mustered some courage ( I am really shy in front of girls) and started talking to her and soon we were nice if not good friends. She knew all about my crushes and well we used to laugh about it. So keeping it short I am totally in love with her. It’s not that puppy love kind of thing, I have had my fair share of crushes and limerances too but this is different. The feelings have never been more intense. 

But I know that she won’t ever say yes and considers me nothing more than a friend and I know that I can’t live without her. And it was only a while ago that I learned that she likes a guy too. Now this may seem complicated but here’s a short summary…: she likes the guy who knows that she likes him but he doesn’t like her and the girl knows that. Moreover the girl also knows that I truly love her and yet she won’t say yes to me because she still likes that guy. 

I really want her to be happy, even if it means that she’s with some other guy but its killing me inside knowing that she’ll never be in my arms, that she cant be mine ever. And right now I am so messed up that I don’t know what to do, whether to cry or to laugh, whether to smile or to frown. I don’t even feel alive right now and I just have no idea what to do next.  Please help me."

Nancy's Relationship Advice Reply:

Dear Baron,

It is important to remember that in order to experience love, you first need to be courageous and extend your love to another – which you have to this young woman.  However, there always is the chance that your love will not be returned – at least not in the manner in which you would like it to be returned.  You have acquired a good friend which is always a blessing and having the ability to establish a friendship is a major component of a solid, lasting relationship in love.  

I completely understand how heartbreaking it is right now to realize that the person you love does not see you in the same light and is looking for love from someone who does not reciprocate her feelings.  Right now, it may appear that life is meaningless without her romantic love, but know that God will open the right door to love in His perfect timing.

Many people are attracted to those who are not emotionally available to them.  Logically, it does not make sense but from their life experiences and relationship role models, that feeling of trying to win over another person’s love and affection is very appealing.  You probably have heard that the only person you can change is yourself – and it is that perspective which will allow you to gain wisdom from everything you go through.

From my perspective, this experience has allowed you to gain self-confidence around the opposite sex and given you valuable tools you will be able to take into future relationships.  I strongly encourage you to talk to your parents about what you are feeling –and expressing your pain and sorrow is the start of the healing process.  Keeping to yourself only magnifies negativity and brings you further down in spirit.  

Baron, you have much to accomplish in life and the right person for you will be a huge blessing in your life.  There is nothing more cherished and fulfilling that being in a relationship where mutual love is shared – and God has that kind of love in store for you!  He placed that dream in your heart and it will come to pass at the perfect moment.

Do you have a relationship issue you are trying to work though?   

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