Kris from Orange, TX asks:
"Okay, so I met this guy about two years ago. We have never actually dated...but we have both told each other numerous times that we like each other. We had our first real kiss last summer right before school started, but I’m in a grade higher than he is and so I went to high school and I kinda ruined it with us by not talking to him for a few months. Anyways...he just now started dating this one girl who I used to be friends with but she is in his grade so we never talk anymore either. It seems like they really like each other. Well the other night I told him over text that I love him. He texted me back and was like what? So I was like sorry and he goes, who texted that? I go me? But I’m sorry. And he goes do you really? And at the time, I couldn’t find my phone charger so I told him that I couldn’t really talk at all so I’d just text him later. So I texted him again the day after that and I was like hey.. and he hasn’t talked to me since the night I told him I loved him. But now all over his MySpace is his girlfriend and how much he thinks she is the one for him, and how they love each other. Well I really don’t know what to do because I mean I know him and he knows me more than any other person! So like, I REALLY need some help..... but I just don’t know what to do? He also lives RIGHT BEHIND ME so its kind of hard since I have to see his house... (and I also used to be really super close to and his mom and his little brother like we used to be best friends) Please help!!!!!!!??????"
Nancy's Relationship Advice:
Dear Kris,
What you need to do is take a deep breath and stop obsessing over this guy and the fact that you told him that you loved him - even though I believe you were not really motivated by a true feeling of love. I encourage you to expand your social horizon and start meeting people in high school who are available to date you. I get the impression that this young man became very appealing to you once he was unavailable and dating a former friend of yours. What you are trying to to by declaring your supposed love for him is sabotage what he has with this girl. The only two people who know if this relationship is the real thing or not is the two involved. If you were serious about being involved with this guy, you would have pursued it long before he met someone else. I know it is difficult to see at the moment, but your life is just getting started and it is important that you are very clear in your own mind about what you want in the future in a relationship - and what your goals are in dating. You do not want to establish a pattern of getting involved or in the middle of existing relationships and trying to make something work that it not meant to be with someone who is unavailable. If you start down this path, it will be hard to break that cycle as the dramatics of this dynamic can become very addictive. I encourage you to look at married couples that you admire and see how they treat each other. It is never too early to have these positive visualizations in your mind so that when the time is right, you will be able to attract the right guy who will love you as much as you love him.
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