How Can I Get Her Back?

Hamed from Bahrain asks:

"How can i get back with my ex girlfriend ?

I have been with my ex for eight years now we practically grew up together. We had our bad and good times. In late 2008 her family decided to go back to the U.K. She stayed and the first visit to U.K. was fine. She went for like a week but in December things started to change. We had many arguments and issues regarding trust. For instance, I love her and do trust her but get very worried when I call and she would not answer me. She was supposed to come back before New Year’s but the day she was going to fly she decided not to come.

She broke up with me because she needed time to think. We sorted it out eventually and at the end of January she did come back. The plan was to stay for three months and then go back to the U.K. I planned to follow in the summer. She stayed and we sorted everything out and got engaged. It was an amazing week and after the engagement. She left after the engagement and all was good - she was happy.

After a few weeks, she became moody. Whenever I called while she was out with friends she would get angry when I asked questions like where are you going, what time would she be home etc. I know I did pressure her and that was wrong but suddenly she decided we can’t work it out. She says she is sorry but it’s better like this and that she wants a different life. I’ve tried to e-mail her and she emailed back once but now nothing. I hear that she is having an awesome time going to London Cambridge , and she didn’t know what she was thinking when she got engaged.

I am so hurt it’s been two weeks now and I don’t know what to do. I can’t contact her because she has a different number now. Please tell me what you think. Thank you."

Nancy's Relationship Advice:

Dear Hamed,

I understand how heartbreaking it is to find yourself on the receiving end of a breakup. Even under the best of circumstances, long distant relationships are difficult to maintain and requires the dedication of both people in the relationship. It appears that she simply was not ready at this point in her life for a committed relationship or for marriage. Once she moved, she decided that she wanted more life experiences before making that important step.

I know it does not seems like a blessing in disguise right now since the heartbreak is so new, but I assure you that you will look back and be very thankful that she was upfront about wanting a new life. Many people go ahead and get married and then act on their desires to act like they are single - and that is of course very damaging to a committed relationship.

There definitely is a girl out there for you in which you will find mutual love. I encourage you in the meantime to learn as much as you can from this experience so you are well prepared for the right relationship. As you mentioned, you had trust concerns with this young woman, and that is an area that I believe would be beneficial to explore. For example, I suggest you ask yourself why you would worry about what she is doing if you say you trust her? It is important to look beyond the surface and see what the triggers were in your relationship that started this fearful reaction.

When you get to the core of why you believe the people you love eventually will betray you, then you will be free of this fear and open and truly emotionally ready for love to come into your life.

Do you have a relationship issue you are trying to work though?

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