Duff from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada asks:
Ok, heres my story. I met my fiancee 2 1/2 years ago, 2 weeks into our relationship she told me she was pregnant. I didn’t care and I was willing to have the instant family. Things were good between us for a long time. She had a baby girl and I love her like my own. We moved in together and a year and a bit into the relationship I'll admit I wasn’t the greatest person to be around. I wasn't mature yet and still a kid. I played computer games more than I paid attention to her. When I wasn’t doing that I was studying for the air traffic control course I am in. She would have to beg me to make love. Recently she has joined the military to take her career as a dental assistant a bit further. She’s been gone almost 3 months and I’m taking care of the now 2 year old girl. I realize what I have done and how much I love her and the girl. She says she doesn’t care about "us" anymore but she still loves me and still said yes when I proposed. I told her all the things I have done to change while she’s been gone such as reading about how to change myself and be more of the emotional caring type. I’ve started doing the things she’d been nagging me to do for the year prior such as just calling to say I love you, write poems or hold hands. I even tried different spices on food (I never used to like it but she does). I don’t know what to do to "win" her back again. I know she loves me and doesn’t "want" to leave but if she doesn’t care about us then things wont get better. I cant stand thinking about her leaving me now especially that I’m so attached to this gorgeous two year old girl.
Nancy's Relationship Advice:
Dear Duff,
Before you marry each other, it is important that you work through these issues and address her feelings of why she does not care about the relationship anymore. The good news is her statement that she does love you and does not want to leave. However, it is vital that you both work towards the core reason why she made the statement that she does not care about your relationship anymore. Especially with a young child involved in the picture, it is important that if you marry that you present a positive role model for her daughter to look up to. She will use your relationship as the basis for her future adult relationships, so keep that in mind.
Every relationship provides lessons about ourselves and reflects back challenges we need to work through in order to experience true and lasting love. You appear to have taken time for self-reflection and see how your past behavior was not meeting the needs of your fiancee. If you can work together to get a better understanding of what will make your relationship mutually beneficial and rewarding, then you have a very good chance of relationship success.
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