Nadin from Cairo writes:
"My boyfriend says he loves me and his actions show it too. He's very caring and protective of me and talks about me in his future a lot. He says that when we are married with a great family he will be the happiest and most satisfied man alive. However, he had an ex-girlfriend who passed away who also was my best friend. I introduced them and they only met once before she left town. They stayed together for a month and then she passed away. Even though it was a short relationship, he loved her very much. I was there and saw everything that happened with them and helped them out a lot. He loved her very much and she changed him a lot. Now sometimes when he's depressed, he just closes up and doesn’t talk to anyone - even me - and remembers her. Sometimes I just can’t help think that he may still have feelings for her. If he does, how come he loves me like he says he does? I know he loves me, it's proven in his every little action.. but sometimes I feel like he still has issues with her death. I don’t know what to do. I back away and give him his time at these times, but if he still has issues should I leave him? We talked and he said that some things are over to him, especially that he found out a couple of things that hurt him about her. I don’t know what I should do. I am not jealous of her but need to do what's best for him and need to know if it's true that he loves me or not. Should we go on or should I just back away if it's better for him? I really wish I could do the best thing for him but I just can't figure it out. By the way, I never asked him for anything - not for a relationship or a date and I didn’t even try to have any sort of relationship with him. It was all his effort from the start. He was the one who asked me out a couple of times at the beginning and he was the one who started with the word I love you and he says it all the time - every single day, even when I don’t reply back. But does he really? He's an amazing guy and I don’t want to loose him, but I would if it's necessary for him."
Nancy's Relationship Advice:
It is tragic that your best friend passed away at such a young age and I’m sure that you are also grieving her death. As your intuition is telling you, your boyfriend’s love for you is not genuine at this point. Many times when people pass away suddenly, the survivors look to common friends in order to stabilize themselves. It is my belief that your boyfriend is definitely in mourning and needs time alone to work through his feelings of grief. What he is experiencing is perfectly normal, but he is not in a good emotional place to start a committed relationship with you - or anyone else. I suggest that you take a break from each other and allow him the time and space he needs to process those feelings. If your relationship with each other is meant to be, then that door to real and lasting love will open. You want to base any potential relationship with this guy from an emotionally healthy place and right now, he’s not there. You deserve to have genuine love in your life with a man in which you are sure of his love, and do not have any lingering doubts of that love. I also encourage you as hard as it may be to move forward with your life and not place yourself on hold, waiting for him to work through those feelings. Mourning is different for everyone, and there is not a set time frame. Right now, he is living in the past and allowing his thoughts to go to what could have been with this young woman. Although you see him as an amazing guy and understandably do not want to let the relationship go, at this point, it is the only way for him face the past and work through his sorrow.
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