Should I give my boyfriend money?

Curlan writes:

I need your advice about me and my boyfriend. I am in love with this guy. The thing is he cannot make it through every month without being broke. I do help him out and I don't mind but every time I do, he gives his mother out of it to help out his family. I think he shouldn't do that because it doesn't sound right to me. They are in a predictament. His mom and dad are divorced that leaves his mother, brother and him. The house was recently built and they are still paying the mortgage.

His mom pays the mortgage and she's working. He's working but because of their failure to catch vans on morning or after hours to go home, he decided to buy a car. Half of his salary goes towards paying the loan for the vehicle plus giving his mother something to contribute with expenses and food. In a week he's already broke. He has to drain his bank account every month, so he have no savings whatsoever. So basically he lives from paycheck to paycheck.

To me I don't think if I help him out he should give his mother out of it. Lately I am reluctant to give because of what he does when he receives it. For example if i gave him 100.00 say that will last the week it can't because he gives his mother 50.00 and sometimes he gives his brother (who goes to school) out of it too. It's draining me because when I try to save some money out of my salary, I have to take out and give it to him, plus I have to buy lunch for him sometimes. He doesn't like to ask me for money, and he feels guilty doing it, so sometimes without asking, I give to him. To me it's not fair he's taking the money and giving it to his mother. His mother doesn't even help him out when he can't afford to buy lunch or gas for his vehicle.
And the thing is he tells his mother that I gave him the money.
Nancy's Relationship Advice:

On the one hand, you say you love him and do not mind helping him out financially. But clearly you do because it rubs you the wrong way when he does not spend the money in the manner in which you want him to spend it. When you give, it needs to be from the heart - just as love is from the heart. Otherwise, you are planting seeds of resentment and this will definitely take root inside of you, and that will affect your relationship.

I suggest that you stop giving your boyfriend money and allow him to figure out how best to spend his paychecks. By giving him money, you are enabling him to make the same spending decisions month after month. This is probably creating tension and friction in your relationship. I know it is easy to say that if you don't help him out, then he won't be able to survive. I can assure you that he will be okay and will adjust accordingly. But you need to be strong and not back down from this stance.

Starting this month, have a frank discussion with your boyfriend and tell him that you are not his personal bank anymore. Assure him that you love him but this is causing you too much stress and keeping you away from your personal financial goals. In the bigger picture, if you decide to marry this guy, you do not want to have this behavior established as the norm in your relationship.

Do you have a relationship issue you are trying to work though?

Email your relationship question to Nancy and receive a personal reply!

Visit www.rightrelationshipstv.com for more relationship advice from Nancy Pina.