Will This Relationship Work?

Eduardo from Cohocton, New York asks:

I am in love with a woman that says she is in love with me. We have been chatting on cam and without cam and also gave to each other our email and yahoo IM username and password 3 weeks ago because she told me that she was insecure about me. I am also insecure about her because as I see it she was saying and acting in ways that seemed as if she was interested in another man. Two days ago we talked about how she feels that I do not trust her and lack confidence in her. I told her that when I ask her a specific question she answers with a question. She also jumps topics when I am trying to talk to her about something.

When I notice that her actions and words do not agree, she avoids the question I have asked her, and says just enough by not being specific. She asked me what do I want to happen with us. I told her that we should keep going and learn from the misunderstandings of what has happened and learn from it. She took a little while to answer the question and then said that she was confused and wished me happiness and health and could not tell me straight out that our relationship is at an end. I told her that if she wanted to delete her name from my yahoo IM then I left it up to her. We agreed to break up, and when I signed out of the IM she signed in my IM and then I checked to see if she deleted name and she did not.

Today she texts me telling me sorry that she is so guilty about what she said to me and asked for my forgiveness and if it was okay if I could not then it is okay. At least she already said sorry to me. I replyed back to her text and told her that I have no reason to not forgive her, and she has the freedom to make the choices and find the answers she needs to know if she made the right decision for her and her daughter. I do not know what she wants from me, or even if she really loves me as she has told me before. I do not know what to expect or do next concerning how I feel and if I should give her as she told me just to love her.

Can you help me understand what is going on with her?

Nancy's Relationship Advice:

Dear Eduardo,

It is very difficult to make this type of relationship work and as you experienced even with a webcam and other forms of communication. All the technology does not make up for time spent together in person. That said, I encourage you to keep in mind that relationships bring out the challenges each of us need to address and work through in order to experience true and lasting love.

From your email, you comment on your trust and confidence issues with this woman. As a relationship advisor, I can confidently state that this is probably not the first time you have had this experience in your romantic relationships. If you look back on your significant past relationships, I believe you will find a pattern of trust issues with other women.

It is not who you are involved with per se, but your core belief that the people you love will eventually betray you. In essence, this is faith in reverse. You are believing for a negative experience, anticipating that it will happen and then actually finding yourself in that predicament.

My advice to you is to take a break from relationships and pause for self reflection. If you do this and work through the reasons why you believe that you will be betrayed in love, then you can prepare yourself for an emotionally healthy relationship that is based on mutual love, trust and respect.

Do you have a relationship issue you are trying to work though?

Email your relationship question to Nancy and receive a personal reply!

Visit www.rightrelationshipstv.com for more relationship advice from Nancy Pina.