Helen writes:
I'm 33 years old my son father is 38. Here is a little of my past history. My son father left me last year for a 47 year old woman he had been seeing for about 6 months before he left. He moved in with her right after he moved out our son has not met her. On the days he has our son he stays with his mother. He has now been seeing her for 2 years now and our son knows nothing about her. I met her for the first and only time the first of the year she said that she really does not want anything to do with my son but she will not be mean to him.
When I talk to my ex, I ask when he plans to let our son meet her and he said he did not know. He said it could be another year but he may marry her one day. Which hurt because we were together for 13 years before he walked out and never married. My question is why the wait? And also this is bad on me but we still sleep together about once to twice a month. I know I should not because I don't love him the way I did. I'm just not ready to see other men. I feel really bad for the other woman and I don't know why. I don't understand how can he want to marry someone if he can't be faithful to her.
Nancy's Relationship Advice:
I understand how confusing it is to be in this situation. On the one hand, you do not want to accept that the relationship is over so you continue to sleep with him. Many times women do this because the former relationship is familiar and simply because they feel alone and lonely. Of course the bad news is that this behavior keeps you in the same situation and does not allow you any room to work through its ending and move forward with your life. In essence, you are stuck emotionally and really not wanting to let go of the attachment to the father of your son. Which is understandable, but now it is time for you to take charge of your life.
I encourage you to first stop sleeping with him - it is very damaging. Second of all, I encourage you to focus on your own personal healing and working towards the goal of getting emotionally and spiritually stronger. Please go not waste your time and energy trying to figure out what's going on in your ex's current relationship. From all my experience, he probably will not marry her - and even if he does eventually do that, it will be a bridge you cross at a later time. The positive news I believe is his wisdom in keeping your son away from this woman. As she stated to you, she does not want any involvement with him and that they have not met is a good thing for your son. He can't form an emotional attachment if he doesn't know anything about her or have any contact with her. It is my opinion that focusing on your priorities in life ... your son and your emotional recovery will be the best thing you can do for yourself - and for your son in the long run.
I know this is very hard to do and naturally your mind wants to analyze everything excessively. I do encourage you to stop doing that as it is counterproductive to getting on the other side of this heartbreak. God has the right person for you, but it will be up to you to work towards emotional healing and becoming well prepared for the right person to enter your life. Keep in mind that the more time and effort you invest in yourself, the more benefits your son will gain through your work.
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