How Important is Money in my Relationship?

Cathie writes:

I am in a relationship with a guy that earns much less money than I do because his own business has gone bankrupt. He does not have any savings and in the past 2 years he has been working in a small company with a low salary since he is treated as fresh graduate. He is planning to move to a more established company once he has mastered knowledge and completed a significant project there. Though I feel his current company does not treat him fairly, I trust his judgement.

Despite his unfortunate financial condition, he is a very kindhearted man. He respects my opinion, comforts and encourages me in difficult situations, pays attention to me that makes me feel very loved. After my abusive years with my previous boyfriend, he is such an angel to me. He accepts me for who I am. He never judges me. I am in love with him. Though he earns less money, he always pays when we are together. He never asks me for money, or asks about my salary. He said that it is a man's responsibility to pay for everything, especially when we are not married yet. He told me that to be patient with him for another 2 years since he estimates in the next 2 years, he will be able to fund a small wedding for me and 1 year housing rental. It can be faster, if he can find better company to work for. We are both 33 years old and he believes in marriage as a goal to a serious relationship, though we only have been dating for 4 months. Of course, he never takes me to expensive places or buys me expensive gifts.

My doubt is the expectation of my family and friends. They believe a poor man is nicer because he nothing to be proud of and I will not be happy if I become the breadwinner in the family. Currently I totally disagree with them, but am afraid if what they say is true. I am afraid I am not being realistic since raising a family is not about love only and money plays an important part. Though I can afford raising a family and even buying a small house all by my income, they still believe that it should be a man's job.

Should I let go or keep this relationship? Am I being realistic or not with the relationship? Currently I always bring this doubt to my prayers ...

Thanks a lot for your advice

Warm regards,

Cathie

Nancy's Relationship Advice:

Dear Cathie,

I understand that your family and friends mean well and more than likely have your best interests at heart when they advise you on your relationship and future with this man. However, this is your life and you must follow your intuition and heart.

From what you have written, he possesses qualities and characteristics that are very positive for a long term relationship. He is kindhearted, treats you with respect, is emotionally supportive and validates your feelings and best of all, you love each other. It appears that he has a plan for the future and is working towards a more lucrative financial position. He sees this stage in his career as a learning process, not a place where he plans to stay.

He also has his priorities in order in that he knows that in marriage he will be the head of the household. That simply means he takes his responsibility of providing for you and future children seriously and does not expect you to figure out how to financially care for a family. Yes, money does play a role in raising a family, and it appears that your boyfriend understands this fact.

My advice is to give this relationship a chance to grow and focus on getting to know each other better, deepening your bond and solidifying a strong foundation of mutual love, respect, trust and friendship during this time. I also encourage you to stop thinking fearful thoughts about the future, especially in regard to your boyfriend’s ability to earn a larger income.

As I see it, this situation is an opportunity for you to really place your trust in another person you say you love and be supportive of his efforts. Please do not allow fear to talk you out of a positive relationship with a man who loves you.

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