Is flirting cheating?

Alisha Writes:

I’m 23 and have been in a very strong relationship for the past 6 years. However whenever I meet some good looking guys i can’t help myself. I end up flirting with them. It’s not that I don’t love my beau, but somehow I feel attracted to them. It makes me feel alive and good whenever I flirt and at the same time I feel guilty for cheating on my guy. Is this abnormal? Why is this happening? I can’t help it.

Nancy’s Relationship Advice:

Dear Alisha,

While it is normal from the perspective that our physical instincts are drawn to and desire to flirt with people we consider highly attractive, I believe it is a behavior can refrain from - if you want to.

One question you may want to ask yourself is what needs are not being met in your current long-term relationship in which you are drawn to these experiences? If you were truly fulfilled emotionally, spiritually and physically you would not bring these situations into your life. Of course that does not mean you have to stop being a friendly person to others, but it appears that you take it a step beyond and for that moment act as if you are single and available. Thus the guilt sets in and you feel as if you are cheating on your significant other.

It is my belief that once you open these small doors in your mind and say that this is acceptable behavior within a committed relationship, then you will quite possibly move that line even more in the future. From all my coaching experience over the past 25 years, people end up having emotional affairs and then physical affairs by first telling themselves that it is okay to engage in these "harmless" conversations with others.

I encourage you to look at the larger picture of your life goals and evaluate what it is that you want from your current relationship. I encourage you to have an honest conversation about how you want to feel in this relationship - instead of looking for that gratification and emotional high elsewhere.

Do you have a relationship issue you are trying to work through?

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