Should I play the waiting game?

Skyler from Arkansas Asks:

“My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. Everything started off perfect ... we fell for each other fast but everything we said and did was meant with love in our hearts. About a month and half ago we split but, only for one day and got back together.

About three weeks ago she started to change some, acted annoyed with me did talk to text much. We finally brought the situation up to each other and she said that she had been kind of depressed. Three night ago we had a deep conversation about our relationship. She said that she doesn’t feel the same as she used to. She still loves me but not the same way. She says she wants to be with me and hopes that her feelings change but she doesn’t think they will.

I really care about her and want to be with her but I’m not sure what I should do. Should I play the waiting game and hope that her feelings go back to the way they were or should I get myself out of the agony my heart is going through in hope that maybe she will love me after I’m gone?”

Nancy’s Relationship Advice:

Dear Skyler,

I know this is a painful and heartbreaking time for you to realize that the person you love does not share the same feelings for you anymore. Even though you are young, it is important to be very mindful of the type of person you allow into your intimate circle. What may be going through your mind is that she will suddenly realize that she loves you once you are out of her life and will want to come back to you.

The type of relationship you have now - one where you are with someone who doesn’t love you the way she did in the beginning is not a good pattern for you to set up. If you mentally and emotionally tell yourself that you will take the crumbs of life, then you will find that type of pattern repeat not only in love, but other important areas. There is no reason why you cannot be in a loving, emotionally healthy, trusting relationship with someone who shares your life goals, values and morals.

One important exercise I ask my clients to do is to compose a visualization of the type of person they desire to ultimately share their life with long term. Even though you probably are not at that point right now to consider marriage, it is a step that you can do today so you can start drawing in people who share similar life goals. If you can see yourself in the type of relationship you visualize, you will be able to eventually have that experience.

For now, my advice is to break off this relationship and allow God to open the right door to love in His perfect will and timing. You both deserve real and lasting love and by taking a stand for what you want at this point, you will be one day closer to the love you seek.

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