How Can I Build Self-Esteem after my Break-up?

Sandra writes:

“I have been with my boyfriend (ex now) for four years, during that time I lost all of my friends because I was spending all my time with him and because they didn’t like him. He cheated on me and manipulated me and I believe this has had an effect on my self-esteem. I have never been a confident person but I feel even worse off now. we only just broke up and I need to know what I can do to continue on with my life and forget about him and meet some new people.”

Nancy's Relationship Advice:

One of the most challenging things in life is to rebuild from the ground up ... and in essence that is what you are doing emotionally and spiritually. You entered into a high chemistry relationship and were blinded in many ways as you can now see. True and lasting love does not incorporate control and manipulation in order to keep that love. These fear based feelings that drive high chemistry relationships are very detrimental to self esteem, but the good news is that you can regain what you do not possess right now with the help of God.

It is when you allow yourself to surrender to Him and trust that He will guide and direct your steps, especially in love, that you will being to build your confidence and self-esteem. I encourage you to find a church that you feel comfortable with and start making connections with people who can help you on this journey. There is not one person who has not gone through a personal struggle in this life and although you may feel isolated, know that there are many people who want to help you and can empathize where you are and how you are feeling. It is important to reach out for this help so you can heal and then share and encourage others when you get on the other side of this heartbreak and pain. Be thankful that God pulled you out of this relationship so you can have a fresh new start and rebuild your relationships.

It is important that you also use this time to reflect on why you allowed this type of person to have such a strong hold over you and what feeling you were trying to capture. The more you can search you heart and ask God for wisdom and guidance in future relationships, the better your choices will be in love. Many times when we don’t look at our role in why certain people were in our lives, we end up attracting the same type of experience all over again. The “packaging” may be completely night and day, but the feelings ... the end result will be the same.

I also encourage you to be very proactive when it comes to what you want in a relationship ... the characteristics and qualities that make up that person and your relationship goals. It is important that you build on a solid foundation of mutual faith in God, love, trust and respect. When those components are in place, you have the makings of a wonderful start to a long term relationship!

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