Why did she take my compliment as an insult?

Kevin from Virginia Asks:

“I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure.” I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgmental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?”

Nancy's Relationship Advice:

Dear Kevin,

As you experienced, many women are very sensitive when it comes to their shapes and unfortunately, most of those mindsets are negative. Your comment, well-intentioned as it was, in essence reminded this attractive woman of a negative defining moment in her life.

In the future (especially with women you just met), I encourage you to compliment their outfit or a particular feature such as her warm smile or beautiful eyes for example. There is so much pressure from the images women see in the media and society to be a particular size and shape, so remember that even the most confident, shapely woman may have in the back of her mind a negative body image.

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